Work In Progress

Unfortunately, I was right.

I usually enjoy being right. This time I hate it. Yes, Our ward was split yesterday. It was split in a very odd/unexpected way that left 0 of my close friends with me. The two wards are UBER tiny and that scares the hell out of me. I was in the Pawtucket Ward in Rhode Island for almost 5 years and it was so hard on it's members to be part of that congregation. Doug was YM's President, ward translator (half the ward was portuguese speaking so it was like he was a Bishopbric member for them) and the Basketball Coach. I was Primary President. It was exausting. The handful of YW and dozen YM usually only had their leaders for church support. My primary of 18 was the cutest ever but the kids really struggled being the only child within 3 years of any others. They knew they were different to be LDS but they didn't even have an example of what that was to a 5th grader. We lost a lot of great, no amazing, members because the ward was so emotionally demanding and the leadership so inconsistant. THAT is my biggest fear for both of the wards here now.

The split from my friends I knew I could handle but when they were announcing where it would split and who would be affected and then the new leadership, I was so shocked all I could do was sit there and shake my head. How was this going to effect Ethan and his relationships at church? I think my new ward lost every other special needs child in the ward (there used to be 7-8 when we were combined). What would Doug think of the new bishopbric? 1/2 of them HATE him... seriously, he's gotten into full out fights with half the new bishopbric and one of them hasn't spoken to him in over a year, regardless of Doug's apologies. My concerns were justified to. Doug's reaction was epic. I should just cut and paste the 2 hours worth of texts I got from him during the remainer of Sacrament Meeting and classes. This is definately something that will be affecting my family on a daily basis and the realization of what's to come I was NOt prepared to handle. After the announcement, I ran out of the chapel bawling. Now that I've had 24 hours for the shock to wear off, I'm still discouraged and nervous. I know the logistics of the church. I also know that certain callings can really help people to grow and learn and become a little more open-minded and Christ-like. That being said, I'm not holding my breath. If there is one thing I've learned over the last 3 years it's that I can't change (or expect change) from anyone other than myself. So that's where I'm renewing my focus. I want to focus on what I can learn and more on my own personal faith. Because I go to church for me, not for my friends and not for the leadership. I'm hoping my faith is stronger than I am.

Silent Saturday

TROUBLE

Yesterday at 10 am I was working on a Tombow project and my phone rings. I see on the caller id that it's Ethan's school and I hesitate to answer. This usually isn't a good sign. I was right. IT was the principle. Ethan had hit a child in gym class and I was told to pick him up within an hour. He is being sent home and can not complete the school day. "We won't call it a suspension", she says "but, he does need to be picked up as soon as possile.". I tell her that I will be right in and that I'd talk to the teachers involved to get this resolved. "No, Ms. Wallace. I am the principle. I have made my decision and he needs to have consequenses to his actions regardless of his special needs."

I think if there were an infrared camera on me at that moment you would have been able to visually see the steam coming from my ears. I understand that he needs consequenses. But sending a Kindergartner home from school? How does that help his education in anyway? It's not the school's responsiility to develop my child's character. It's thier job to educate him.

I was able to drop Owen off at my sister-in-law's house (THANKS SUE!) and run over to the school. Ethan has what is called a BIP. A Behavior Intervention Plan. It's an attachment to his IEP (Individual Education Plan). All special needs children across the US have IEP's. They state the childs needs in his eduation and his goals for the following year. parents, therapists, Teachers and Administrators are all invited to the meetings to make these documents. All hoping to provide the child the best possible education, given the child's needs. Ethan's BIP (along with any child that has them) has the proper protocal written out as to how to handle Ethan's BEHAVIOR. In his case it says things like, remove him from the room or area when he's irratable. He has to have three warnings (at least one of them visual) before he is punished. He can have privledges taken away but not recess (he needs the sensory outlet). He is to be sent to the resource room (when he has acted out) to complete his work. The list goes on and on as to how to handle Ethan and his behaviors in relation to his autism. Either the principle doesn't know what a BIP is or she doesn't have any respect for them.

I went in to talk to her. She was in a meeting so I went and talked to the special needs coordinator and then the teacher. Obviously Ethan hitting another child is a big problem. I understand that it needs to be taken seriously. I also understand that the school needs to address the problem. Sending a kindergartner, who already begs not to go to school, home because he hit will not teach him anything. I asked the special needs teacher why he wasn't in the resource room. Her response? "We don't have the staffing to cover that." What?! So you wrote it in the IEP just to blow smoke up our arse? knowing full well that it wasn't an option 90% of the time? She also told me that this 'incident' happened at the end of PE and he had been having a hard time the entire 20 mins. previous to it happening. Why then was he not watched more closely or removed from the situation. He's flipping autistic people. You know he can lose control at any minute. I asked the teacher what she thought of his punishment. Her response, "I don't even know what that is, we haven't discussed that together yet." Excuse me? So the principle, that has only ever interacted with my child in the halls, has unilatterally decided to 'suspend' (but not call it that) my 6 year old? Whew, that infrared camera would have been hot to the touch at this point. When I finally got in to talk to the principle I was ready to cry. When will the school administraytors ever show me that they have any understanding or compassion for my son? Sending him home is most definately not helping his educational carreer. It's the school not taking responsibilty for the situation. The staff was not watching him closely enough and they weren't following his behavior plan that we had set for this exact purpose!

In the end, with some major help from his teacher, Ethan was NOT sent home. He WAS sent to the resource room as per his BIP and they changed schedules around. He spent the afternoon doing his work one on one and had time reflecting on his choices while he ate lunch in the classroom. He came home remorseful and wrote letters apologizing to everyone involved and today he went to school ready for a fresh start. We have a new BIP meeting scheduled sometime next week. I'm glad that I was able to get out how I was feeling and even though I'm sure the principle hates me, it's worth it. You have to fight for your child's education because trust me, NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU.

Read-A-Thon

For sone reason there is no school in Georgia on Election Day, which means today we're having a Read-A-Thon. Ethan can read on his own now and Lorali's always loved reading to herself. Owen was into it all until he fell asleep and I am doing reading for this month's lesson. I live being able to enjoy this moment.

Diseased (but not contagious to them)

So I've been thinking a lot about the church and apostasy lately. There are rumors that our ward will be splitting this next week and selfishly I hate that. I have FINALLY found my footing in my ward, I have FINALLY found my stance on Doug and his beliefs (or lack there-of), Ethan has FINALLY stopped begging not to go to church, I have FINALLY got a calling (and it's one that I love!)... and to top it off? I just really HATE change. I know that it's the best thing, I really do. Our ward is gigantic and bursting at the seams. It's just....

It was almost three years ago when Doug sat me down and told me he just didn't believe in it anymore, and hadn't for a while. My jaw hit the floor and then I cried for him, because this just had to be so hard on him to have been going through alone. An hour later I was on the phone crying for myself to my Mom. The next week I headed over to Kerry's. I was terrified to say it all aloud and scared of the reaction I'd get. The reaction from both Jon and Kerry was nothing but Christlike. They were supportive of not just me but of Doug. They were loving and understanding. They were cheering for us to work it out together.

When I was finally able to say it aloud to other people in the ward, so many people where just as shocked as me. Doug had been the Sunday School teacher, and a good one at that! He was respected and admired. Instantly that bubble burst and people just tossed him out as crazy. As a family we certainly felt shunned. Doug's family had already disowned him and here in Georgia I had friends call out me and my testimony because I had stayed with him. I had others question how I could get a temple recommend when "having an eternal family obviously wasn't important to me". I had people that wouldn't let their kids play at our house anymore because of Doug's 'influence'. It broke my heart to see our entire family treated like we were diseased. Like if we coughed on them, suddenly their testimony would start to disappear too. So nobody came and asked to us where Doug stood. Nobody said ever told me it was okay.  Looking back I see that it must have been hard on others too but at the time I didn't think anyone had a right to be hurt but me. Even the Bishops handbook of instructions only has two tiny paragraphs on how to deal with situations like this. So it's the blind leading the blind. I know there isn't a script for how to deal with a situation like this but, if anyone ever decides to write that script on how to act and what to say, I'd tell them to get advice from the Cottrell's.

Going to church alone during that time was hard. REALLY hard. But, it was always easier because I had their family. They knew what was going on and they truly wanted the best for our family. So yeah, I'm sad our ward will be changing. I'm sad because I'm sure I won't have them next to me each week and I'm sad Ethan won't have class with Brady anymore. In the end I think I have to look at it through Heavenly Father's eyes. He put us in the same ward at the right time to be there for each other, when we needed it most. I'm thankful that HE was watching out for me like that.

Halloween Hoopla

Halloween. This weekend has been my busiest weekend all year by far! Straight from my party to the kids festivities! Good thing Sean and Spring are here in town to help us get through it! This morning the kids got up early and watched the new Tinker Bell movie and then we all loadded up and went out for brunch. It was soo good but planning on doing that right in the middle of Owen's naptime wore me out. We came home and the kids went down for quiet time while we cleaned up some of the party decorations and then it was time for dinner, costumes and trick or treating! Kepler was the most amazing Buzz Lightyear ever. (Spring handmade it complete with flashing lights) Philip was a Lil' Devil. Ethan was Darth Vader. Lorali was Padme' Amadala and Owen was the cutest Yoda. It was kind of drizzling all evening so I was nervous going out in it but the tempurature was perfect. It only took Owen 2 doors to figure out that he would get candy if he just said "Tick-Teet!" and "Tank-Too!", it was adorable. Kepler and Lorali were little jabber boxes with eachother the entire way but Ethan. Oh boy! He had a hard time right off the bat. His gloves weren't laying right, his lightsaber was too hard to carry, his shoe was wet, his trick-or-treating bag was spinning too much, his mask was itchy.... you name it, nothing was right. He had fun and couldn't stop talking about it when we got home it's just hard as a parent to help him see the fun and excitement in it when he's so obsessed with the little things. His autism certainly does creep up and force it's way into our heads, forcing us not to ever forget, even for one night that it can rule our lives on a moments notice. I'm so glad he was at least able to push through it and settle down once he was at home. It was a fun Halloween my favorite part was having Kepler and Philip here. They are the funnest and Sean and Spring at my party yesterday were uber helpful. Seriously, having family live close to share holidays is the best! Happy Halloween!

(oh, and Go Utes!!!)

Party Girl!

Okay, Pictures are up. They're in a new photo file on the right. Check it out. The party was such a success. I think everyone had fun, the decorations were awesome, the food was great, the script was hilarious and the company was the best. We really do have the greatest friends ever. At the last minute we had a couple cancel on us and while we totally missed them, we were able to just switch up a few people and the transition was seamless. We had a TON of food, it was a mega feast but, I thought it was actually all really good. Everyone's costumes were uber creative and it was pretty low stress for me as a hostess compared to previous years. I loved every minute. Thanks everyone for coming. We can't wait for next year!

Snapshots of Today

She says...

Lorali's spent a lot of time crying this week for teasing and picking on Owen. So, last night as we were saying goodnight I say, "I love you Lorali, even when you're mean to your little brother."

She says, "I love you too, Mommy. Even when you are mean to Daddy."

As Doug laughs histerically in the corner.

Yeah, point taken girl. Thanks for the lesson.

Tuesday To-Do's

The Murder Mystery Party is this weekend which means that this week we are in the throws of party planning. We're cooking and decorating, and printing, and ordering and cleaning and..... the list goes on and on. I know I love throwing these and I know that they are always so much fun so it's nice that this year I'm not half as stressed as I usually am. I'm enjoying the process a little more. It's helpful that it's here at the house because I can completely set up on my own time table. The kids are loving the transformation of the living room and I'm hoping they don't try to transform it back before the big event. There has been a lot of "no touching" warnings and threats around here in the last 24 hours. Ethan's funny, he remembers the parties so he's been talking about them and asking if I still have my pirate stuff because he wants a pirate party when he grows up too. I'm not quite ready to commit to that but, it's looking like this Murder Mystery thing is turning into a tradition. What started out as a distraction from living away from family turned out to be something so much more. Okay, enough ranting and procrastination. I've got to get back to painting plants. (long story) Happy Tuesday!